There were worse places to wait for three days for a call from Lucas Neill than an anonymous hotel on the outskirts of Berlin. There was a joke among some journalists who cover football that when asked to describe their job it was best summed up as hanging around in car parks waiting for young millionaires to finish their two-hour work day and then ignore your questions as they went home to their mansions to play video games.
So, Berlin for 72 hours waiting for a call was luxury – even if that call was from the Australian captain whose buzzkill tackle had sent Australia tumbling out of the World Cup. Neill was a savvy captain of the Australian team and could also be a charming host. He knew – without the benefit of advice from a PR representative – he had to speak about the game against Italy.
“I’ll call, I’ll call,” he said. And did. Devastation. Bitterness. Anger. Pride. Shock. Desire. Disappointment. He’d felt the spectrum of emotions since the 94th minute of Australia's final 2006 World Cup match. Sometimes, as some journalists know, you just press record on your tape machine and let someone unload. This was one of those times.
“I'm not over it yet,” Neill said before boarding a flight from Europe to Australia. “For the rest of my life it will eat away at me that we had a realistic opportunity to get to the semi-final of the World Cup. We had everything under control in the game. We knew that, whether it be in extra time or on penalties, that we were going to beat a giant of world football. But it was all taken out of our control. I'm disappointed. I am gutted. Mentally, before the game, I thought that we were going to beat Italy. And then when we were playing the game, I knew we would. We were going to go on to bigger and better things. I might play in another World Cup but this squad will never ever be the same. The coach. The Guus factor. The team was very talented. There were so many great ingredients going into that team. We had momentum and great confidence. There was no expectation. We had the opportunity for more of a great adventure.”
After being one of the outstanding players of the tournament, Neill's world caved in with just eight seconds of normal time remaining against Italy. The Azzurri, down to 10 men, had absorbed wave after wave of Australian attacks, and with the clock ticking, launched a desperate last attempt at Mark Schwarzer's goal. Fabio Grosso turned Mark Bresciano near the touch line and then headed towards the penalty area. Grosso had the ball at his feet. Neill was about to be mugged.
“I didn't even try to tackle the ball or the man,” Neill recalled. “I just tried to block the possibility of him crossing it. He was not going to go anywhere. If he went back inside, he would have been pushed away from the goal. I can't be angry at the player because he is trying to do whatever he can to try and win the game for his country. I'm in too much shock to be angry at anyone in particular but, in hindsight, I wish I hadn't tried to be so cute and block the cross. I should have stayed on my feet and let him shoot or let him try and score from a ridiculous angle.”
Asked if he blamed the referee for misjudging the incident, an emotional Neill paused before answering.
“That is not for me to say. I don't blame him. But I blame a wrong decision that has cost Australia, and everybody in the team, and me, everything. We have gone from a massive high to a massive low, based on one wrong decision that nobody will ever be able to do anything about and we couldn't react to because there was no time left in the game,” he said.
“I was still in shock straight after. On the field, I was holding back tears because I knew that if I started to cry, I wouldn't stop. I even shook hands with the ref and the Italians. I asked the ref to have a look at the decision on the TV so he would lose sleep at night and he promised that he would do that.
“Then I said to him that it is not going to change what happened and he said no, it wouldn't. I went into the dressing room and just sat in the corner and tried to let the feeling sink in that we were out of the World Cup. But my body and my mind still told me that I had three games to go in the competition. I suppose I was in denial. I didn't want to go home. Someone was going to knock on the door and tell us that we hadn't actually lost the game.
“In the afternoon I started to hate the world and wanted to get out of Germany. I have not watched a moment of football. Even though I haven't watched it I can tell you how the replay goes. It gets the same reaction. Is it my fault? No. But I wish that I didn't make the decision for Grosso to fall over in the box easier. But I do feel that I am the one in the scenario responsible for Australia going out of the World Cup. I hold myself responsible for being involved in the incident.
“There was so much belief. The whole of the world was drawn in by the way we were playing. Supporters of other teams started to really favour Australia. A lot of other teams were really not performing to expectation and Australia had no expectation. We put in unbelievably passionate performances and other supporters were saying they wished their team had that much pride and enthusiasm for the game, and no fear and enjoyed being there. We won so many fans and everyone was gutted that we went out, except for the seeded teams in the tournament who were all running scared of us.
“I don't know if it is because in Australia, we are brought up to be too honest and too competitive and play hard but win fair, but I suppose when people look back, they are not going to care too much about their personality if they have six or seven medals to show for it. No one is going to care if they are a cheat.
“Maybe they are all smart and we are just stupid.”
Matthew Hall's 'If I started to cry, I wouldn't stop' is available now direct from Fair Play Publishing, via good bookstores, or other online retail outlets in paperback or digital formats. It was launched at the Football Writers' Festival in Jamberoo in March 2019.